Swan-eriffic

Is it wrong of me to say I want to be on FOX’s The Swan? However, my chances of getting on are slim, as there are a couple of strikes against me.

I:

• Am in possession of all my teeth.

• Don’t have a beard.

• Feel pretty good about myself.

• Don’t hate my mother, eeeeeevil men, missed opportunities and/or the world at large.

• Have moral issues with a show that spreads this message weekly: If you’re pretty, everyone will be nice to you and give you everything you always wanted. (Yeah, I know that’s true but does FOX have to remind me – weekly – that hot people are often better off than we mere, average-looking mortals?)

But, I keep thinking, wouldn’t it be nice to get three months to just focus on looking and feeling good?

I’m envious that they get free facials and have a pricey trainer beating the hell out of them in the gym. Sigh…

Man, I am ashamed of myself.

Comments

[Mr. Snitch!]

Hmm. The teeth thing and a lot of those issues can be addressed. Why not move into my double-wide for a few weeks and we'll talk it over? We'll make room (the dogs can sleep outside), and my wife enjoys the company...