Here’s an actual discussion that happened today in my house, paraphrased for your reading enjoyment.
J (Handing me package): Hey, what’s this? A new license plate?
Me: Uh, yeah. I ordered one of those special ones. (Unwraps special “Garden State” plate, which advertises NJ agriculture.)
J: You paid extra for something that you can for get for free?
Me: It was only, like, $20 and it features cute pictures of vegetables. Look! Corn!
J: But we already pay taxes and renewal fees for this. (Rolls eyes gratuitously.)
Me: I thought the charming license plate might draw my attention away from all the dents. Don’t you want me to be happy? (Pouts gratuitously.)
J: (Shakes his head, turns around and leaves my office.)
After ever-frugal J got over his initial shock, we got into this whole discussion about why I chose this particular plate. Weren’t there other special causes I could choose from? Then, I proceeded to lecture him on the merits of each plate.
Organ Donor Plate: Yay! Organs! I would love to give them some bucks but the flower didn’t do it for me. Why not feature a healthy-looking liver or something?
Law Enforcement Plate: It’s a very good cause – for children of fallen police officers. I’m happy to give money, but I hate driving enough as it is. Thinking of mother/fatherless children every time I get behind the wheel? Oy…
Animal Friendly Plate: Supports animal population control. I figured that since I won’t let J get a dog, I don’t deserve this plate.
The Meadowlands Plate: Gives bucks to land preservation and conservation in the Hackensack Meadowlands and River Watershed. Whenever I think of the Meadowlands, I think of crime bosses encased in cement – not migratory birds.
Deborah Heart and Lung Plate: Helps fund the Deborah center for heart and lung disease. Admittedly I’m still reeling from an occasion where one of the volunteers gave me a thorough (and very public) tongue lashing for pronouncing the organization’s name “Debra.” So you never get in the same pickle or ever wish to regale people with fun heart/lung stories at cocktail parties, it’s pronounced “De-BOAR-uh.”
Liberty State Park Plate: This helps support the re-development and modernization of the area surrounding the Statue of Liberty. It’s just a sore spot for me. I’m all for “your tired” and “your poor.” However, it bums me out that – despite its New Jersey location -- The Statue of Liberty is considered by most to be a New York landmark. (And don’t even get me started on how the NY Giants and NY Jets play in a New Jersey stadium!)
Treasure our Trees Plate: Very pretty! This was my second choice.
Pinelands Plate: These bucks are used for the Pinelands National Reserve. However, this plate freaks me out. Makes me think of Pineys and the Jersey Devil.
United We Stand Plate: This plate “helps fund the ‘Rewards for Justice Fund’ (sic) which provides reward money for reliable information that leads to the capture of terrorist (sic) and terrorist plots (sic).” OK. Let me get this straight. I’m giving money, so that New Jersey (?) can give my money to people who want money for doing what they should be doing in the first place -- pointing law enforcement in the direction of bad people.
I must have too much time on my hands...
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