Twisty

Fun with Arts and Crafts

Instructions for Making a Fruit Arrangement

After spending an hour’s worth of time and approximately $12 bucks on fruits and veggies, my masterpiece is complete. Check out the pics under the “Fun with Fruit” gallery on the left.

In case you feel like channeling Martha yourself, here are some basic instructions.

What You Need

- Sturdy Flower Pot (If you only have a basket, make sure you weight it down. The fruit makes the arrangement very top heavy. You don’t want it to flip over.)
- 1 Head Lettuce
- Spinach Leaves (A few, if you have ‘em.)
- Approximately 20-24 BBQ Skewers
- 1 Cantaloupe
- 1 Bunch of Grapes
- 1 Package Strawberries (~ 10 Berries)
- 1 Pineapple
- 1 Sharp Knife
- 1 Melon Baller (If you don’t have one, a teaspoon measuring spoon can pinch hit.)

Preparation

- Wash all fruit and veggies.
- Cut the almost all of cantaloupe in long spears.
- Make 5-6 melon balls with the remaining cantaloupe.
- Cut green leaves off strawberries.
- Cut pineapple into flower shapes.

How You Make It

- Put head of lettuce – whole, stem-side down -- into flower pot. (Make sure it fits securely. You may have to trim the sides down a bit to fit it in.)
- Layer spinach (if using) on top of the lettuce. Tuck in at sides so it doesn’t slip. (This is supposed to look like grass.)
- Put fruit on skewers.
- Ease the pointy end of the skewers into the lettuce.

Easy as that!

To make your life easier, I recommend putting in the fruit in the following order.

- Cantaloupe (Think of this like your foundation.)
- Pineapple/Melon Flowers
- Strawberries (Use this to cover in the spaces you may have missed.)
- Grapes (4/Skewer / Use for accents.)

Oooooh...Chilly!

what kitchen utensil are YOU?

Impromptu Reunion

So, just got off the phone with Sarah. Looks like we may be planning an impromptu college reunion.

Really, though, it's just an excuse to get liquored up in our old stompin' grounds.

Suddenly I have this urge to drink Natty Light and pee on some bushes. Woo hoooooo!

Fun With Fruit

Due to last week's nasty case of the flu, we're having a belated Mother's Day celebration at my mom and dad's house tomorrow.

God willing, I'm going to make one of these:

It's an edible arrangement. I bought one as an Easter centerpiece to the tune of $75 (!!!). So, I decded to get my Martha Stewart swerve on and create a homemade masterpiece using a a head of lettuce (an edible stand-in for floral foam) and a crap-load of fruit bought at the local Acme.

I'll post a picture tomorrow.

Wish me luck.

Hello & Undies

I miss you. I miss writing. So, I’m back.

Without going into incredible detail, here’s the crib notes version of what has gone on since we last spoke:
- Started new job in January.
- Worked like a dog.
- Company went belly-up in March.
- Spent a couple weeks cleaning my closets, cooking yummy dinners, taking long walks, zipping over to the local library, browsing real estate ads, watching Oprah, collecting unemployment (Now available online!!!), planning a fundraiser…oh, and searching for a new job.
- Started new gig a few weeks ago for ½ the pay but 100x more personal satisfaction.

OK, onwards and up words.

At a loss for anything terribly poignant to say, here’s what’s on my mind.

My Ex Boyfriend’s Jammies

I can’t tell if they’re underwear or men’s jammies. (You make the call. See photo – “Undies” gallery.) In my younger days, I worked in Manhattan. Often, I would visit him after work at his cool, swingin’ Brooklyn bachelor pad. (At the time, I lived with my parents. As such, I would have probably considered a rat-infested cesspool in Camden the height of coolness and sophistication. So, let’s not give him too much credit. Shall we?) Rather than lounge around in my suit, he would give me an old t-shirt and this pair of shorts to sit around in while chowed down on some Italian takeout while watching Angel on the WB.

Post-breakup he bogarted some of my stuff including (mysteriously!) some underwear. Despite two pleas by e-mail to hand over the purloined goods to either me or the Salvation Army, he never delivered. So, I guiltlessly kept his jammies made of smooshy, gushy waffle-knit cotton.

One time while prancing around our place wearing my breakup bootie, J asked me, “So where did you get those ugly shorts?” I told him. He wasn’t particularly moved. I think he was just happy I scored something for free.

Over the years, they’ve become my favorite summertime loungewear. So, now that the weather’s getting hot, I put them back into the clothing rotation.

However, I was terribly sad to discover that extended wear has stretched the elastic waistband beyond repair. So, unless I put on 50+ pounds, I must roll the waistband three times over to keep them from sliding on to the carpet.

So, here’s the big question: Should I chuck ‘em (while ceremoniously humming “Taps”) or keep ‘em for some twisted sentimental reason…or the fact that I can’t find a suitable replacement?

Hmmm….