Scurvy

I’m the kind of gal that gets on food kicks. I’ll be suddenly obsessed with a certain food for about a month then forget about it until I see it a few months down the line calling to me from the shelf or freezer case.

Tater Tots are the most recent object of my food affection. Before that was a particular brand of kosher hummus (Come to think of it, isn’t all hummus kosher?). And before that was a thing I like to call “Almost S’Mores” – a microwaved marshmallow sandwiched between two graham crackers.

All of this got me thinking about a guy I went to college with named Max.

Max was a year older than me and had a stormy relationship with my college roommate, Sarah. (Feel free to check out her web site to read the most venemous faux break up letter ever.)

Max would only eat five foods – cereal, hamburgers, bread, donuts and French fries. Actually, it should probably count as three as most of those are bread derivatives.

Now, you may think I’m exaggerating or being silly but really – Those. Were. The. Only. Things. He. Ate.

Even his beverage selection was limited, as he only drank either regular Coke or beer. Not even water.That’s it.

Of course, it annoyed Sarah to no end. On the occasions her parents visited school, they would take Sarah and her dashing new boyfriend out to a swanky breakfast buffet. Max would – without fail – stick to Coke and toast, making all of them mental. I just laughed it off as a funny, little quirk. (But then again, I wasn't dating him.)

However, as the days wore on we began to become genuinely concerned about his health.

How long can a man live on crap food alone?  (Why didn’t I video tape this when I had a chance? Super Size Me be damned!)

We even began to hypothesize that he might have scurvy.

But then one of our friends pointed out that he always dipped his fries in ketchup.

Were it not for that, he would probably be dead.

Who would ever have guessed that Heinz saves lives?

Comments

[Jim - PRS]

I only drink things that contain a vowel.

Da Old Man

[Kid Various]

No wonder Pinktalk has issues with Kid Various as he also, never eats vegetables or fruit. (Nah it wouldn't have anything to do with our liberation of Iraq.)

Oddly, if you eat enough meat, you can get enough vitamin C from the animal flesh to avoid scurvy. That whole fruit thing being good for you is a scam anyway perpetrated by the Fruit Council of America.

Yeah and my sexual fantasy *is* to do it on spaceship!

Well, not really, but that is damn funny!

-KV

[Kid Various]

btw...

GOD I MISS TATER TOTS!

[Brother Kojak]

LOL!! Heinz saves lives! PLEASE don't forward them this entry. I would not be surprised if they used it.

"I only drink this that contain a vowel"
thats some funny shit....