21 Pearls of Wisdom

Looks like Dash may have inadvertently started a meme with his 21 pieces of advice. Dad picked up on it and I just thought it was too good a topic to pass up.

TJ’s 21 Pearls of Wisdom

#1: If you lose / break something of someone else’s, replace it – to the best of your ability – immediately. And don’t make a big show about it.

#2: If 80’s hair band Nelson’s “Love and Affection” comes on your car radio, while driving through a rough neighborhood, roll up the windows before bursting into song. (Trust me. I know this from experience.)

#3: Never buy cheap toilet paper; it will only make you unhappy.

#4: If an elderly person is telling you a story, don’t cut them off, even if you’ve heard it a million times before. Let them enjoy sharing a part of their lives with you.

#5: No matter how much you try to convince them to the contrary: if your family and friends don’t like your boyfriend, there’s an almost 100% chance he’s an asshole. Dump him. Post haste.

#6: If you ever try something on and ask yourself, “Do I look a little chunky in this?”, don’t buy it. Get something else that makes you feel comfortable and foxy.

#7: Never hesitate to say “I’m sorry.” Even if you didn’t do something wrong, you may have hurt someone’s feelings along the way. Apologies never make you look like a chump.

#8: Whoever tells you that g-strings are comfortable is lying.

#9: Never speak disparagingly to a telemarketer, service person or customer service rep. How would you like getting paid minimum wage to deal with difficult people all day?

#10: Learn the usage of your/you’re, its/it’s and their/there/they’re. My recruiter friend tells me these are often used as a writing skills barometer during the interview process.

#11: Play Boggle. It’s the best game ever!

#12: Be mindful of what you say on a cell phone. It’s bad enough that I have to listen to you conduct a private conversation. However, do I really need to know about that guy your niece is dating, the juicy details of your divorce proceedings and the scoop on your recurring yeast infection?

#13: Think very, very, very carefully before agreeing to be in a friend’s wedding. If you hesitate even for a microsecond at the thought of parting with several hundred dollars and your sanity on behalf of this person, immediately and politely decline.

#14: It’s never the wrong time to drink a glass of red wine.

#15: Some of the best and worst evenings have started with the prophetic phrase, “Let’s do tequila shots!”

#16: It’s perfectly okay to like the Olive Garden. (I do!) Just don’t believe for even a second that the recipe for the Stuffed Chicken Marsala was lovingly crafted by a spirited, cottage-dwelling Italian grandmother in the rolling hills of Tuscany.

#17: Always take every, blessed day of vacation your company grants to you. You’ll live longer.

#18: You always have it better than you think you do.

#19: If you have to go to a warehouse store (e.g. Sam’s Club) on a Saturday, be waiting out there the minute it opens. Otherwise, bring some valium and your anger management workbook.

#20: Call your mom at least once a week.

#21: You can never have too many books, good recipes, comfortable shoes or kind words.

Comments

[Jim -PRS]

Re: #4
Did I ever tell you about the time....?

[Dash]

I'm sorry I broke you're Boggle game. I was on the cell phone talking about my yeast infection that was being aggravated by my new g-string and I dropped it's thingamajig in their. I was doing tequila shots at Olive Garden so I would feel better about having to go to Sam's to get my case of cheap toilet paper. Thank goodness I'm a well paid telemarketer and can afford it.

Good list - BTW.

[TJ]

HA!!!!!

[Sluggo]

If more people followed your advice people like me would be shamed into better behaviour.

[TJ]

Oh, please! Methinks you do just fine, Sluggo. :)