Twisty: Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

Looks like today’s topic is “White Lies I’ve Told My Significant Other.” Thanks to the Divas for this wonderful opportunity.

Admittedly I’m kinda new to this sort of thing, so if I commit some sort of big ol’ breech in link etiquette, it certainly is by no means intended.

Now, on with the lies...(Muh. Ha. Ha. Ha. Haaaaah!)

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The $25 Rule

“You mind if I blog this?” is a pretty common phrase in the McGuinness house, so this was a tough assignment.

Me: Hey honey, I’m doing this Divas thing tomorrow for Christina. The theme is “White Lies I Tell My Significant Other.”

Mr. Surly: Oh really? What are you going to write about?

Me: Well, I can only think of one.

Mr. Surly: What?

Me: Well, every time I tell you how much I pay for something, I round it down by $25.

Mr. Surly: Really?

Me: Sometimes you think in 1970’s prices, so I always thought it’s a way to stop the sticker shock. I view this safety measure as heart attack prevention.

Mr. Surly: Oh. (Pause) OK. (Smiles and goes back to surfing the Internet.)

Me: Guess it’s not a white lie anymore, huh?

Julio!

The only other thing I can think of is, Mr. Surly will come home and ask (after some huggies and smoochies), “Hey, what did you do today?” And, I’ll say something along the lines of, “Well, Julio came over for the afternoon. He vacuumed the house, washed all the dishes, then gave me a foot rub. Isn’t he great?”

As you may have already guessed, Julio is my fake love-ah. (Spelled phonetically in the Carrie Bradshaw, “Sex and the City” way.)

However, that’s probably less about white lies and more about extorting a foot rub from my husband.

Admittedly, I have told a fair share of fib-eroos to fellas I have dated. Here were some of the typical ones:

“No, really, this pasta is the best!”

If some kind fella busts his bootie trying to cook you a romantic dinner, you damn well better appreciate his efforts even if it means you have to choke down some nasty, nasty stuff in the name of love. (You can always sneak in a McDonald’s drive-thru trip on your way home.)

“Alan, I just I loooooove your mom.”

I once dated this guy, Alan, whose mother had a strange quirk. She would only talk to me through her son.

Alan’s Mom: So, why don’t you ask TJ what her major is?

Alan: Mom, she’s sitting right next to you. Your butts are touching on the couch, for God’s sake.

Alan’s Mom: (Deadpan) Just ask her.

I few that as penance, cause I totally lucked out in the Mother-in-Law lottery. (Mother Surly is the best!)

“Of course I missed you!”

This came as the reply whenever a fella asked me if I missed him when he returned from a trip.

The God’s honest truth is: I didn’t miss him because I was having too much fun being by myself. Chances are, I spent the time eating popcorn for dinner or drinking beer while chatting with Sarah on the phone for three hours or watching 1992's “The Cutting Edge” on TBS for the 38th time or re-reading every book I own on Elizabeth I or mastering my Tuscan bean soup recipe. In short, I didn’t have time to miss you. I was just too busy enjoying myself.

So, there you have it.

Let’s see how other fine folks weigh in on the topic. (I promise to post permalinks as soon as they emerge.)

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Demystifying Divas

Sadie knocks it out of the park with this take on Lies. Silk aka "The Sassy Diva" will throw in her excellent two cents. Delightfully Snarky Kathy will weigh in. And Shiela will step in as Guest Diva extroardinare, as Christina takes a much needed break to take care of some stuff. (Yeah, I know I'm late to the game but this is the first time I've come across Shiela's stuff. I'll definitely be back!)

The Men's Club

Despite the early hour he posted (Oy!), The Wizard managed to post some great stuff. (Certainly I'm not surprised. "My old girlfriend..." Ha!) Fin is bound to have some goodies. So, stay tuned. Puffy will jump in with some words of wisdom. And, we'll also get to hear what whoppers Naked Villiany has told.